April 10, 2017


I’ve had quite the interesting Paris experience and I haven’t made any time to write because I have yet to be paid for this. What follows is a stream of consciousness about Paris so far that just happens to be organized haphazardly. This is not a listicle. Fuck off.

-I am very sad to report that 80% of the people that I talked to before coming on this trip are idiots. They said that Paris was overrated and not that great. They were wrong.

– Parisian museums are dope as fuck.

– I had my first crepe on my second to last day here. I regret that. Crepes are so much better here than they are at IHOP. Who knew?

– The lift broke while I was waiting in line for the Eiffel Tower. I was getting very angry, mostly because I thought that the Champagne bar (it’s more of a stand, but who am I to judge) at the summit would close before I got there. However, even after waiting in line for 3 hours, I was able to make it. Thanks baby Jesus.

– At the top of the Eiffel Tower I met four French girls who were excited to speak English. I bought us a bottle of champagne for the walk home. Wearing a suit is fucking magic.

– A story, for posterity’s sake: I went to the Louvre on Friday night because it’s free admission for anyone under 26 (my comments on the museum itself will be coming shortly). I wore my suit because I’m in Paris and I didn’t want to feel inadequate. I was very overdressed. I felt like a boss. After a few hours there, I left for what Yelp told me was the best bar around me. It was on the expensive side, but who gives a fuck when you look that great? I walked into the place (it took forever to find it because it was in the back of a restaurant) and sat at the very end of the bar next to some girl who was talking in animated French to the bartender. I grabbed and perused the menu while the two switched from French to English. Eventually I ordered my drink ( it was incredibly interesting and amazing. Go check out Danico next time you’re in Paris. Also, go to Paris) and the bartender went to the other side of the bar. I struck up a conversation with the newly-abandoned girl and learned that she is a New Yorker who works for the Food Network. We talked for a while and eventually she said that she had a list of places that she wanted to hit that night and that I should tag along. I didn’t need much convincing. Keeping an unendingly long and interesting story short, I hit the fucking jackpot. I spent the next two days traversing the city of Paris with this culinarily well-connected girl and her friends hitting a mind-numbing array of bars and restaurants that would have never been on my radar without them. I think I slept a total of 4 hours those two days.

– I was going to post a fuckton of pictures and make a poll for y’all to vote on the best one, but I don’t know how to do that so you’re shit out of luck.

– I was unaware that oysters were a thing here, but after consuming a dozen raw ones at a wine bar, I am thoroughly impressed as a New Orleanian. Especially since they were only 8 euros and the glasses of wine I was throwing back were only 2,50 (why they use a comma instead of a period is one of life’s great mysteries).

– The Louvre could really just take all the artwork out and still be a huge draw. Just the architecture and the molding of the building itself are art enough. I could have spent another week in there and still only scratched the surface.

– Turns out the Louvre’s collection only goes through 1850. I didn’t know this until Yahoo answers essentially called me the world’s most uneducated person. Huge hit to the previously ballooning ego.

– I went to a jazz club around the corner from my Airbnb. The music was pretty good even if the drinks were a little expensive. But they had a Louisiana license plate nailed to the wall. I got super nostalgic and wrote a whole piece about what home means. I didn’t post it because that shit went wwaaaaayyyy too deep.

– Turns out the Musee D’Orsay has all the Impressionists and other shit that I was looking for. That place was so packed with recognizable paintings and artists that I almost felt cultured enough not to write the word “fuck” like 20 times in this post.

– Paris has so many open green spaces. It’s unbelievable for such a populated city. I’ve found 6 separate parks to go and read, and all of them are impeccably clean and well-kept. I honestly have yet to see a downside to living in this city.

– I’m slowly starting to realize that I should have been writing every night because I’m sure I’m forgetting like half the interesting shit that has happened.

– My book is coming along slowly, but I did finish another ten pages since I’ve been here. hit me up if you want to read what I have so far because I crave validation and praise.

– I love baguettes and the concept of that being the only bread to eat. Those things are like 80 cents (thankfully that’s the same term as Murica) and they’re goddam delicious. Also, nothing feels more Parisian than walking home with one of those motherfuckers sticking out of your grocery bag.

– I found out how to make a poll but I think I have to make it a separate post. WordPress is really killing me right now.

– One of the girls that I met has a Parisian boyfriend who spoke broken English, but did inform the group of his favorite English phrase: “I hope my ass.” As in “I hope my ass that my flight gets cancelled and I have to stay here forever on Turkish Airline’s dime.” Obviously I will be bringing this made up phrase back home with me.

– Like I said, I’m sure I’m forgetting a lot, but you get the general picture. Paris is by far my favorite European city that I’ve been to. I will absolutely be back. Vote in the goddam poll once I find out how to put it up. Love you long time.





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